My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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