no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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