Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
