don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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