i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
