so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
