would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
