Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
