Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
