Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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