Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
