today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dear god my vagina.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
