alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
