You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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