Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
