Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
