Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thank you for not boning my boss.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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