Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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