she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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