did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
