escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
