Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
