I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
