i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm passing your future prison.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
