I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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