actually, I'm a sock model
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
