Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
