You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
