No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
