I hate your face
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
