Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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