I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
