just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it glows. i had to have it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
