i wish there were pregnant emoticons
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
