last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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