Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
