Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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