Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
