Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
