Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
