I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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