Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
