We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
