You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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