4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
