I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
