omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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