If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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