Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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