loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
