We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
