Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
