The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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