2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
