i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Michael Bay diarrhea
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
