New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
