she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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