Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
