Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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