dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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