I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
