She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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