Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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