I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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