how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
