I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you will always have a special place in my vag
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
third nipple confirmed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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