meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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