dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
