Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
