Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need to align my fucking chakras
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
