Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
