The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
